On The Edge of Insanity
by Eternal-Darkness2
Summary: Can you love insanity? Can you hate love? Can you love and hate a memory? Set after the defeat of Sephiroth. [slash]


**On the Edge of Insanity**

A/N: So here I am, writing another fic when I have 3 other unfinished ones. Tsk tsk.....bad me.

FFVII is one fo my favorite games and I thought: Why not? I will write a fic. This is the result of that crazy thought. Enjoy!!

_Disclaimer_: All characters are owned by their respective creators. Squaresoft, SONY and all the brilliant people that were involved in the making of this brilliant game. I won nothing, unfortunately.

Have you ever lost something so dear to you that at the very moment it was gone, your brain, your heart, your muscles, all refused to work?

Have you ever felt the pain at the back of your neck as the muscles lock ,not allowing you to move an inch? Have you ever experienced the strange sensation of your mouth drying up, like the hot deserts? Have you tried to swallow the lump that rose in your throat, but found that every time you tried, it would be as painful as trying to swallow rocks? And have you ever felt the waves of helplessness pull at your heart with iron chains?

If not, then thank whatever you believe in for the mercy you have been granted.

If you have, then no words anyone utters can comfort you. It happened to me once, long ago, and I lost everything. Not that I had much, mind you.

I keep telling myself that it was the only way, that there was no choice. I repeat it every moment like a mantra in my head, yet the other me refuses to listen. I had to do it, I had a mission to complete. Everyone, and I mean everyone, depended on me. The weight of Planet was on my shoulders. Of course, it was my choice. And it is that choice that is eating me from the inside. That one, and the ones that followed after it. I am responsible on all accounts.

I look back and think. What if I had chosen a different path? What if I had ignored what befell us completely? What if we had never made the decision to change what was to come? What if I had not intervened? Sometimes, I can't help but wonder. Was it the only way? Was it my only choice? Could I have done something different? Was to lose everything, the only way to win?

Maybe. Maybe not. Though I know what I fought for, if I were given that same choice today, I would never do it again. Planet be damned, I would never take the same path.

Time has healed everyone's wounds, but mine. Mine seem to open and deepen with each passing day. The ground shakes, the skies darken and the drums beat loudly in my head. The nights seem endless, the days too short. Dreams have fled, as nightmares now nest deep within. I watch you disappear into the darkness, bathed in light. Away from the caverns of my mind, the depths of my heart. Away from me.

How can one decide the fate of another? How can one banish the light and live in darkness? I look back and I remember. I can't say I can remember the laughter and joy, since I never had either, but I can remember the times when I stood next to you. And in those moments, it did not matter how many fiends we had to fight, it didn't matter if I had failed everything in the past. All that mattered were the few moments I was granted near such perfection.

And now, all that remain are memories. Some fond, most not. I can't help but wonder. Why me? Why you? Why not someone else? Oh Gods, what I wouldn't give to have some one else go, and have you return. What I wouldn't give to....touch you. Just once. Just once.

I see you often lately. I see you walk, the same graceful movements. The same calmness surrounding you. Yes, I see you very often. I see you when I am asleep and when I am awake. Your memory claws at my brain and refuses to let go. I often wish it would. I wish you would stop haunting me. I wish you would stop whispering to me at night, hissing in the darkness, telling me that I failed. I failed. I failed once more. I wish your eyes would not plague my mind every moment of the day and night.

Yet at the same time I welcome it. I revel in it for it is the only thing that remains. I wait for it, anticipating it's return. I hold on to it as it comes and welcome it with open arms. Isn't it funny? I hate it, yet it is the only thing that keeps me going.

Can you hate and love a memory? Can you bathe in light and darkness at the same time? Is it right to long for such perfection? Is it logical?

I guess not. After all, I was never one to follow logic. Neither were you. I suppose we are not very different from one another.

You know, I wonder where you are sometimes. What you are doing, why you are doing it. I like to think you are next to me sometimes, so I start conversing with you. I think of you often. Can you tell? Of course you can. You can read people like an open book.

But you couldn't read me, I guess I wasn't worth reading. Who knows?

Do you dream often? I can't tell anymore. I don't know whether I am awake or dreaming right now. They say that's the first step to insanity. I disagree. I think I took that step when I watched you fade. I think I took that step when the blade pierced through the tender flesh and strong muscle. Red on glowing silver. Such beauty, such a sight to behold. Sick and twisted. Like us.

It would definitely be our dance. The wind dancing with the blade in a never-ending dance of red and silver. Pretty don't you think? I think you would like it, I know I do. And we are not very different.

We are merely on different sides. You are the darkness that consumes and I must vanquish that darkness. Or else....

And I did. I did and now I pay.

Can you hate and love a memory? Can you hate and love your enemy?

I can.

I do.

[The End?]

A/N: I don't know if I should continue this. Hmm......I'll see. Well, bye and don't forget to leave your comments.

Tootles

EternalDarkness


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